You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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