He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
