She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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