why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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