Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
