bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
