To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
