my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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