I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
