just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
