I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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