you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
