I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
honey bunches of taint.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
