K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
