your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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