Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
