I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
