Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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