I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
