just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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