he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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