Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
