I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
