I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
