Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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