so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
