Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
