He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
