Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
