I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
