who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
