No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
