i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
