Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
