Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
