So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
