I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
