I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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