This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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