So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
