I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
