Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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