Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All the doctor said was why
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
