Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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