Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
