I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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