once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
