is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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