That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
