You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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