so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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